Here is a Proven Method for Working with Depression and Anxiety

Most therapeutic interventions designed to address the uncomfortable physical sensations and thoughts surrounding anxiety, depression, loneliness, regret and a multitude of other states have a specific goal in mind: reduce the symptoms to relieve the suffering. It sounds very logical. The problem with traditional psychotherapy may be the inherent nature of the model itself. The fact that it is a problem solving, solution focused, and outwardly directed model may contribute to its intractability. Our psychological conditions, traumatic memories, addictions, and relationship difficulties are not easily managed or resolved, because we tend to create more difficulties than we solve when we look outside ourselves for a solution and use effort and intensity to get it. The illogical realm of the mind with all of its emotions, urges, and imaginations responds well to a gentle approach. By watching our own experience with curiosity and compassion, we see down into the roots of our suffering and accept that part of life as a human thing, not a personal defect.

The Second Arrow

Trying to avoid or quiet those uncomfortable inside sensations, thoughts, feelings, cravings and worries creates extra suffering on top of what is already happening on the outside. The first arrow was painful enough; we do not need to shoot ourselves again with a second arrow! All addictions can be thought of as an attempt to disconnect from something uncomfortable inside the mind or body. Unplugging from unloving thoughts such as, “I am not good enough.”, “I am worthless.”, “My life is a mess”, etc.  is certainly understandable. Impulses to escape from uncomfortable emotions such as loneliness, boredom, anxiety, depression or shame make sense. We arrive on earth hard-wired to seek a reprieve from unwanted sensations such as pain. None of those reactions are problems; they are natural responses to difficult times. They can be viewed as the first arrow; some human thing that causes discomfort. The second arrow is when we judge what is natural as a problem in need of a solution, rather than a human experience that can be allowed to be felt and honored as a part of emerging into the fullest expression of ourselves at the time.

Like being caught in a spider’s web, the more energy we spend fighting to be free of the uncomfortable symptoms, numb them, deny their existence or hide them, the more tied-up we get in the sticky web of addictive reaction. The struggle causes more problems than it solves.

Watching Babies

Rather than fighting against symptoms to subdue them temporarily, a simple, natural and much kinder approach is to allow space to be both the participant and the observer of our own experience. Have you ever watched, with curiosity, a baby interact with a loving care-giver? They seem so natural, simple and compassionate with each other. The endless fascination with babies is due, not only to their cuteness, but to their inherent nature of being wise, free and completely natural in their expression of emotion and ease or discomfort. They have not yet been conditioned by social norms to attempt to escape, avoid or engage in behavior that subdues their emotions or hide their discomfort. When they are upset, you hear about it, when they are happy, they show it clearly, and when they want to interact they do not hesitate to reach out and express their desire for attention and love. The baby who was just fussy in the back row probably did not become quiet because he thought he would be socially rewarded, but because he received some attention by someone who observed his need or want and hopefully responded kindly.

We Cannot Control the Waves, But We Can Learn to Surf

Babies do not seem to worry about feeling hungry, angry, lonely, tired or bored. Balancing their emotions has not yet occurred to them. Feelings are not psychological problems to be solved, but rather normal, healthy and expected states of mind that receive attention as needed and allowed to be felt and expressed again and again. Over time and with good enough care and love, an infant evolves into a child that learns to tolerate the discomfort of being in a body that has a huge range of physical needs and wants, along with emotional highs and lows. That child learns to ride the waves of sensations and emotions with the understanding that they come and go and, even if unpleasant, they can be met with acceptance and perhaps a little skill to take effective action.

Mindfulness is Watching the Mind That is Full

Fast forward to adulthood. Given the natural emotion of anxiety that a human is likely to experience in his or her lifetime, how can we watch ourselves? Just as a loving parent watches their baby and allows him or her to be just as they are, we can practice watching the anxious thoughts arise and dissolve and take action that is compassionate to relieve the suffering. We can observe unpleasant sensations turn into neutral and sometimes even pleasant sensations. We can see how everything changes and nothing is permanent. We can witness our desire to seek comfort from all kinds of human difficulties and recognize that a mind state such as anxiety probably shows up for good reason. We can practice allowing it to be felt, even though we would rather not feel it, and honoring the insight that it may be inviting.

Fully Human and Fully Divine

The fact is we are all human, just like everyone else. We are also more than this body, this energy of anxiety and this thought that changes. We are simultaneously fully human and fully divine. The problem solving approach would say it is not acceptable to feel anxious. Therefore, coping skills, medications or methods to subdue worry or relax tight muscles may be offered to solve the difficult situation. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment (observing it) with acceptance, curiosity and compassion. Rather than avoiding the anxiety, room is made to notice the worrying thought, feel the tightening muscles, and observe the experience with an attitude of curiosity and kindness.

Looking at Things From a Different Angle

Of course, not every uncomfortable human emotion or painful situation is simple. The practice of being the witness to our own human experience can create a healthy distance between the thought and the emotion or sensation, and allow us to not get caught in a sticky web. We can step outside the situation to see it as just another human experience that will come and go. The phrase “This too shall pass.” is a wise one.