Trying to fix ourselves when “something is wrong with us” is a trap we can all easily fall into. The problem with trying to fix ourselves is that when we cannot do that, we are easily left to assume that something is fundamentally wrong with us! In a way, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Instead, we can turn our attention towards what seems to “need fixing” and skillfully work with it.
A Gentle Inquiry
Perhaps we can embrace this imperfection. This can start by being willing to tune into our bodies and experience “somatic mindfulness”. We can ask ourselves questions like:
- What’s happening inside me right now?
- What am I noticing in my body?
- What sensations am I aware of?
- Are they comfortable or uncomfortable?
- If they are uncomfortable, can I simply acknowledge them and that “This is hard right now.”?
- What story am I telling myself right now about this experience?
- Is this story actually true?
“Negative” or “Difficult”?
When we experience anger, sadness, jealousy, fear or other emotions that we may have thought of in the past as “negative”, we might need to remind ourselves there are no “negative” or “positive” emotions – just emotions. It is true that some are very uncomfortable. It is also common to tell ourselves, “I shouldn’t feel this way!”, and then attempt to numb them or maybe distract ourselves, temporarily avoiding them.
Most of us experience difficult emotions as a mixed bag of physical sensations and thoughts, usually in the form of a story we tell ourselves over and over. It is quite easy to get stuck in the cycle, but ruminating is rarely helpful.
Getting Unstuck: Accessing Emotions through Mindful Awareness
To get unstuck, widen your scope of awareness beyond the story itself to your whole experience. What physical sensations are you feeling in your body? Drop the storyline, and dive into direct contact with your physical body. Where does this difficult emotion reside? In your belly, your heart, somewhere else? How big is it, what is its temperature, its shape, its texture?
Once you isolate the physical manifestation of an emotion, you can use your breath as an anchor to the present. Recognize your feeling these sensations right now, not in the past or the future. Allow yourself to “just be” with whatever you are feeling, without trying to “fix it”.
Your mind and your body operate in tandem. A tight body can lead to a tight mind, and vice versa. Consider the possibility of relaxing areas of tightness, and explore the places where you are not feeling strong emotion in your body.
Discover the freedom that comes when your mood and quality of life are not determined by what happens to you, but by your ability to relate to life circumstances by tuning in with curiosity and compassion, rather than needing to “fix it”.
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