Humility shouldn’t be confused with low self-esteem, being timid, feeling inferior or small, or self-degradation.  I would like to share my process of coming to understand it within myself.

I Got the Wrong Message

When I was an adolescent in grammar school, the message I remember internalizing from the nuns was something about humility being a virtue. Since I was shy and preferred hanging-out on the sidelines, I was pretty sure I had the humble thing down pat. I imagined that staying small and quiet might score some points with my guardian angels and keep me from the critical gaze and high expectations of those peers that had more talent, good looks, social skills and smarts than I. Being humble might just keep me safe, I surmised.

Confusion Clouds the Inner Landscape

Fast forward through high school and college when staying quiet, shy and small became painful and isolating as I noticed other people going out and having fun without me. This idea of being humble and hoping people would eventually notice all my good qualities was just not working so well. I had a few friends, but not a wide variety of experiences in which to practice social skills and confidence building. I began to associate humility with humiliation as I saw myself in competition with others who seemed to have figured out how to do life and seemed proud to live out loud.

A Little Light Begins to Shine

To C. S. Lewis, pride is about competing with others in an attempt to rise above the crowd and is not a virtue. Pride shows up when we perceive ourselves to be better than another. “I’m cooler than she is, smarter than those over there, and have more talent than that person.” I imagined them saying. Much later in life, I discovered the practices of yoga and meditation. I learned that the practice of yoga is much broader and deeper than physical shapes that stretch and strengthen the body. Being humble is really the ground from which all yoga practice grows.

Starting with humble movements, awareness of breath and watching our thoughts actually teaches the mind and body to surrender to something much greater; the soul or spirit or essence that gives life and allows us to have a human experience. To respect that essence opens the doorway to self-love. The light began to shine in my awareness when our class put hands together in front of the heart in the gesture of Namaste. I heard a teacher say, “The light in me honors the light in you.” It dawned on me that I am honoring and respecting the light within me and you and all living beings with a humble reverence.

It is Not All Light and Breezy

When we slow down and connect with the body sensations, notice and question the truth of a thought, motive or behavior, we are often disturbed by what we find. It is dark, cluttered and has accumulated a lot of garbage. It takes courage and curiosity to investigate and clear what is actually there. With humility, we can enter that tender space of our own heart with self-compassion for what is difficult. Then a maturity slowly grows. Tentatively, we begin to trust the process of a mindful emergence, sensing that competition is not necessary here, but actually, relaxation is an option when we receive the divine invitation to co-create!

Ego is Taking Up Too Much of the Room

Humility is the act of setting aside ego. Have you heard that the three letters in ego can refer to the phrase, “Edging God Out?” When pride inflates the ego, our thoughts of self-importance leave no room for mystery or honest investigation of what is truly in our heart. Instead, we think we have it all figured out or we can do it our own way. This ends up leaving us separate from others and rigid in our body and mind as the only way to defend and preserve that fragile ego.

An attitude with a bit of a humble quality has no strong need to compete. Can you think of a time when you perceived someone as equal to you and the conversation was effortless, laughter flowed naturally, and a sense of connection rather than competition was evident?

We are all more alike than we are different. Clothing, food, spiritual practices, thoughts and actions may look different, but at the deep heart level we all want to feel safe, to be healthy and happy and connected with each other and our higher power, as we define it. We all want to thrive, not just survive, but really fly freely in recovery.

Get Together

I discovered for myself that playing small so others will not be threatened is not humility. It is hiding! Being free to be fully me, fully human and fully divine is authentic. Landing fully present on a sure-footed path to recovery requires humility and trust in the process. I know deep in my bones that I am no less and no more than anyone else, that I am part of this great big world of sea, stars and land and yet just a little human. I can look around at others and appreciate a shared commonality. We are all fully human and fully divine. We are human beings, not human doings, having a spiritual experience, TOGETHER. That is humbling!