Getting Curious and Creative

Anger is a complex emotion and part of being human. It does not usually get the respect it deserves. A mindful approach to handling it involves looking and feeling deeply into the complex and wide-reaching nature of this huge emotion. When we take responsibility for having anger and actually becoming curious about it, we have a chance to get creative with it.

Anger Has a Bad Rap

Anger has been given a bad rap; it may not be an entirely negative thing. If you think of yourself as a nice person, it may be really uncomfortable to feel anger and you might begin to think that something is seriously wrong with you and needs to be fixed. If you imagine there is a cleanse of some type that will swiftly scour it away once and for all, the shock and disappointment you will experience when it shows up again with all its sharp edges and overbearing tendencies, will be a major blow. Since anger is a human condition and we all have to engage with it, we might as well expect it to visit us. So why not greet it at the door and make some space for it in our lives?

What About Hope?

When we think of hope, we usually turn away from the current experience and create in our mind a longing for a better tomorrow. Rather than face the painful reality of what is going on right now, it can be easier to project our attention on a later, more pleasant scenario. Is that not what many psychology and spirituality teachings advise? Isn’t hope a helpful attribute to keep us moving forward?

In the case of anger, perhaps we hope that internally, the anger will release, or externally, the situation will alter or the other person will have a change of heart. If we do enough heart-opening spiritual practice, maybe, hopefully, everything will turn out just right. But hoping anger will dissolve may actually cause it to be our obstacle. Hope may inadvertently keep us stuck in a perspective that does not allow space to feel the power of the present moment.

What is the Actual Reality?

The truth is that anger is difficult to work with and may simply have much more staying power than any of us would like to believe. If we hope that anger will be pacified and we become impatient when it, once again, barges through the flimsy wall we have built to block our view of it, we recognize the value of a patient approach. Internally, a conscious and courageous commitment to go on relating to our own anger is what can be most helpful.

Abandon hope that somehow anger will disappear, and simply be willing to have a relationship with it, releasing the expectation that because you are being a nice, the other person will be different or the situation will suddenly brighten. Sometimes, it does happen that when we soften, the other person does too and our efforts seem to pay off, but more likely, only when we stop hoping for that outcome!

Get Curious To Deal With Anger?