Here is a Reality Check on Honesty You Can Do

Although seldom done to intentionally lie, exaggerating and using absolutes do not reflect using speech as groundwork for the cultivation on a personal level of higher virtues and mental development. On a social level, telling the truth contributes to harmonious and peaceful coexistence, with greater mutual trust, among friends and family.

Here Are Some Examples of “Absolute” Words We May Use That Exaggerate

• all
• always
• every
• everyone
• never
• none
• no one
• nothing

How Often Do You Make or Hear Statements Like This?

• He never calls me back!
• She always shows up late!
• I can never figure out men!
• Everyone here does that!
• They never listen to me!
• She cuts me off every time I speak!
• My boss is always riding my ass!
• Every cop is out to get me!
• I have nothing to wear.
• No one in this town knows how to drive!
• Guys always leave the toilet seat up!
• All the music on the radio sucks!
• Every Republican/Democrat is an idiot!

Sometimes it’s expressions we use carelessly: “Let’s go eat now. I’m starving!”  Really? Near death are you?

Can We Practice Non-Violent Communication?

These comments are not only very seldom true, but can also create separation and conflict and shut down communication. How do you feel when someone starts out a sentence with, “You always……..!”, or, “You never…..!”? Defensive perhaps?

Behind false speech lies egotism in one form or another. Whether we simply want to get our own way, or we want to control people and events, or we are frightened or out for revenge, it all comes back to me, me, me – the ‘I’ at the center of the Universe. Using exaggerations and absolutes limits our willingness to accept life, things, and people as they are. This manner of speaking often restricts our thinking and demonstrates a bias.

Opening to Greater Possibilities?

It is a common human trait to want to see things in black and white, without the uncomfortable gray space of uncertainty. Speaking in demands tends to reinforce this absolute mindset, solidifying personal assumptions and the sense of a lack of choice. When demands are combined with absolutes, it easily turns into control talk, often implying a victim (self-talk) or persecutor position.

We have the option of practicing mindfulness, noticing our words, our language, as well as noticing our thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations and motivation before we speak. We can then change our language to reflect the truth, opening to new possibilities and fostering non-harmful communication.

We Might Ask Ourselves These Questions Before Speaking

• Is it true?
• Is it helpful?
• Is it timely?
• Is it kind?

Here Are 4 keys for Mindful Speaking