“Don’t Postpone Joy”

I saw that bumper sticker often when I was in the middle of the most significant transition of my life, separating from a marriage of 26 years and moving from Connecticut to North Carolina. Every time I saw it, my heart leaped up and shouted YES, I am claiming my right to joy! That bumper sticker represented hope for me. It was a helpful mantra at a pivotal time because it offered me a new way of perceiving myself and the world. Joy is not a constant state, though. It often seems fleeting, far away, or inaccessible.

When you think of your joy, does it seem to be in the distant future? How often do you dampen your joy for fear of being criticized? Your inner critic might say, “What if I sing enthusiastically but offkey?”

What Message Did We Learn?

Do you postpone the feeling of happiness available here and now? We might have grown up believing we need better self-esteem to be happy, but compassion research reveals that “having high self-esteem requires feeling special and above average. To be called average is considered an insult in our culture. This need to feel superior results in social comparison in which we continually try to puff ourselves up and put others down.” — Dr. Kristin Neff. 

Do you wonder how to be joyful when there is so much chaos, division, and pain in this world? The best things in life are often free and simple, making us happy for those reasons. Pleasure interrupts the chaos and pain. That natural high is contagious. When we express joy freely, others simply cannot help but feel it too. Think of watching a happy baby giggling at the sound of paper being torn. Simple, spontaneous, delightful interactions among humans are healthy and healing for the collective.

 “The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don’t wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy.”  ― Thich Nhat Hanh, The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching: Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy, and Liberation

Can you sometimes feel that joy is right over there, smiling broadly and waving frantically in an attempt to capture your attention while you are busy soldiering on?

What To Do

Give yourself a compassion break. The first aspect of self-compassion is acknowledging suffering, difficulty, or dissatisfaction. Acknowledge that some feelings are uncomfortable. Some obviously uncomfortable feelings are sadness, anger, guilt, and jealousy but can also include joy and pleasure. It might feel easier to postpone joy. Doing things to evoke joy is often challenging because it goes against the grain of cultural conditioning. It can feel risky to raise self-care to the top priority. The truth is your self-care is the most essential way to take care of yourself and the world. When we take good care of ourselves on every level, we give others permission to do the same. 

Self-Care Equals More Joy

Self-care is the moment-to-moment attuning to the needs of your body, mind, and spirit and choosing a response that supports your move toward wholeness. Any step in the direction of wholeness feels joyous.

A common tendency is to have unrealistic expectations of our future happiness. This often results in unconsciously postponing the hard choices now in hopes that they will be easier in the future. We think that in the future, we will have more time, more savings, motivation to move and eat nutritious foods, and feel self-assured.

 Of course, this is rarely the case. My friend, author, self-care teacher, speaker, and workshop facilitator, Renee Trudeau, says, “We create from our current state.” In other words, the future you is the result of the present you—of the actions you take right now.

Small Steps Feel Safe.

The harsh reality of dis-ease on the earth is hitting us hard these days. To feel safe while experiencing happiness and joy, we need to nourish ourselves deeply with compassionate self-care. Soul nourishing self-care is deeply-embodied, self-directed, and informed by neuroscience. It will help us bounce back from adversity and adapt to the accelerated pace of change. Your guaranteed, highly profitable investment for the future is a deeper dive into soul-nourishing self-care. It pays off as spontaneous joy.